I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
