i just wanna soil my oats bro
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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