I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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