doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
