i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
