you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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