did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
