Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Randomize
