dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
