I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
