just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Drake has all the answers
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
