Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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