You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
