I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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