this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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