I love black thongs
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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