I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
