We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
