Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
