all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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