You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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