then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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