Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
