Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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