I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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