Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
