he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Houston, we have a squirter
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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