i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
