Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
