all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
