And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
