I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
