Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
