Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
