saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
