I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
