She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
