dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
