so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
