apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
