So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
