She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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