do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
