I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Randomize
