Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
