Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
