Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
from now on my penis is your penis
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In America we eat man semen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I love you. Go after that dick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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