i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
