then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
