I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
