i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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